Dear Girl, who fat shamed me….
Dear Girl who fat shamed me,
You may have taken a photo of me and shared it on a private chat group, You may have fat shamed me, You may think i am fat, You may think i am ugly, You may think that it’s funny to make fun of an adult. but let me tell you some things publicly,
You did it on a day that i was already very fragile
- (The 5 year anniversary of when my mother passed away). No mater how many years it has been you never get over the loss of a parent, and i still grieve daily.
- My new clothes where really uncomfortable and my bra was driving me bonkers.
- I was tired and really bloody cranky.
- I didn’t really want to leave the house, but my husband in his infinite wisdom wants me to at least get some fresh air a couple of times a week, he says that it’s good for my health, other wise i would not have a problem with becoming a hermit and cocooning myself with a six season series on Netflix, minus the chocolates and popcorn.
Someone that you know nothing about, Someone who struggles each day just to get out of bed, Someone who struggles to sleep, and who spends those sleepless hours going over in her head about how fat she is. Someone who struggles to walk because of the pain from a back disease that i have had since i was 21, and considering i am almost 44 now thats a hell of a long time.
For a young girl who hasn’t lived a life, who hasn’t been pregnant and carried a child which added more pressure to my body, you have no clue.
I have been trying to lose weight since 2007. That’s ten years of trying to make a healthier, happier version of myself.
I have been on low fat diets, I have been on programme after programme – Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation, Susie Burell – shape me, 28 by Sam Wood, TiffXO
I have tried walking, A LOT, I have walked thousand of kilometres, I have fallen off treadmills, I have vibration machines, My big ass has sat for hours on an exercise bike
I have tried to work that ass off and it still hasn’t shifted. I have tried diet shakes, tablets and even consulted with PT’s, I have bathed in fat sliming solutions. I have meditated, I have done yoga, I have spent hours standing on a platform walking in front of the TV to the WiiFit.
When it comes to fitness trackers i currently wear three to track my steps, how many times i stand up during the day & everything in between. I have had many and various versions of watches and trackers, I have tried hundreds of apps to keep me motivated
I eat well, I track what I eat, I have calorie counted, I drink water, I try and get to bed and get between 6-8 hours sleep like all of the experts say, eating plans, tried recipes, brought a thermomix,
I have read the books, Self Help & Motivation, I watch the Biggest Loser and follow all of the Guru’s online.
Do you even have an understanding of just how difficult it is to find clothes for a short fat chick. Having to look and feel like you are wearing a tent as clothing. Not feeling comfortable in anything that you wear.
Getting up in the morning to go out and changing ten times because everything you own makes you feel fatter and even more self conscious, Avoiding Mirrors because I hate how I look, I hate how big I am, I hate this person that stares back at me.
When you do actually leave the house you feel like everyone is watching you, judging you, making fun of you behind your back, taking photos of you to put on social media to be made a laughing stock of.
I have even looked into having surgery and know many other people that have done so.
Since posting about what you did on Facebook, I have had many friends say that they feel the same way and that what you have done is beyond cruel.
I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to be as thin as what I was when I was your age..
But my body just doesn’t want to play nice, and do you want to know something i am tired of trying to be the person that someone like you would prefer to see in front of them.
I am tired of going to the Dr’s and having them stick needles in me and taking diabetes tests that always come back negative, and not actually finding a solution to help me lose the weight.
I am so over teenagers / under 25’s (millennial’s as they like to call you now because it’s all so hip to give you a name, well let me tell you as a Gen X’er). I am pretty sure that if the same was done to a member of your family you would be hurt by it, so what gives you the right to make another person feel like they are nothing. You don’t have a right…. So next time you feel like making fun of someone think about that first.
So before you feel the need to post photos of me on social media making fun of me, think about what i have said.
It’s me up to me to get through this. I now have to re-build my self esteem that was already shattered. I now have to get the courage to get up in the morning get dressed and face the world. I now have to not think about the way you made me feel. I now have to re-shape my thoughts about how big I am and channel them into change.. AGAIN…
So instead of crying about it like i have spent the past 24 hours doing, making myself more and more upset I decided that writing this letter that you will probably never read was the best therapy i could give myself.
At the end of the day I have a Husband who happens to like my curves and a daughter who has my back and will stand up for me against bullies like you, I have a cheer squad that will continue to cheer me on and support me on days when I am at my lowest.
Even if most days i don’t have the strength to love myself i am loved….
As found on Facebook